i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
