i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
