haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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