HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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