I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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