the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
