P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
