My underwear smells like fireworks.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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