Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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