i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
