There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
