why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
