Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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