I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize