An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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