I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
