I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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