Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
