her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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