please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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