I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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