I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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