why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
no you cant smoke seaweed
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
