just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
