this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
