the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The adults are the big ones right?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
