I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
