someone threw a dead crab at me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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