I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
