last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
