its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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