whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
