I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
