I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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