I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
