My brain says no but my pants say off.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize