I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
