You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
