I just threw up on my dentist
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
