Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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