Yo dont text me then not text me
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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