Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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