I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He felt like a one man threesome
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
