this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
