Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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