Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
