I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
