why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
