Plan B is the new Plan A
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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