Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
