I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Boobs are out for the taking
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
