the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
