Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
