In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
