Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize