he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
