We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
