My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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