I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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