Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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