can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
