doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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