i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
