I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
