I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
