I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
