one two three fourrrrnication!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
