I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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