whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
