We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
