Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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