I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
