She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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