Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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