I want to walk on stilts...naked
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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