and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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