Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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