vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
