Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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