Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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