can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
