Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
