the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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