I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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