Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
