You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
