My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
