Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
