I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
