She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize