physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
