Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
