I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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