1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
