Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
