3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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