Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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