What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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