if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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