She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
only you would photoshop your dick
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
