FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
