Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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