The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
