I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
