i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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