I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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